Getting unstuck

It’s 6:57AM on a warm summer day in New York during COVID-19 pandemic. I woke up nearly an hour ago, drank a cup of water, fed the cat, made coffee, and meditated. Today I’ll start my corporate job around 9AM at home, and finish around 6PM. I’ll work out around 11AM. Either me or my partner will make dinner, or order in. Then we rotate between watching an episode of Ozark, going for a walk, or doing a non-screen activity.

It’s the same thing most weekdays but today everything feels harder. Meditating was hard. It was hard the previous morning, and the morning before that too. Working out yesterday was so hard that I injured myself due to improper form. Taking care of myself in general has become harder recently, and it’s because I feel stuck. 

While I’m extremely grateful and privileged to be working right now, it feels like I’m in an endless loop. My work, personal life, and social life have all been contained to my home, the one place that is supposed to be a place of zen. It served as a landing pad for days after work or long nights of socializing. Now home is tangled with stress, anxiety, and uncertainty.

This is what being stuck feels like for me. Whatever it feels like for you, there’s always a way through. Feeling stuck is a part of life.

These are a few insights I’ve learned to help me get unstuck.

Do it even when you don’t feel like it

“It” is usually something that’s good for you but requires you to take action. “It” is probably taking care of yourself or chipping away at a goal you want to achieve. Whatever “it” is, just do it.

Nike’s slogan comes in handy for me quite a bit. I mutter it to myself when I’m tempted to not do “it.” That little swoosh and all those motivational ads come to mind.

That statement is powerful, because the most important time to take action is when you least feel like it. It’s better to do something and gain a little progress than to do nothing at all. By taking action when you don’t feel like it, you’re reinforcing the person you intend to be. You’re saying to yourself, “I’m the type of person who does this.” Doing “it” confirms that you are who you say you are. 

Don’t feel like taking a rest because you feel like you have to be productive? Take a rest anyway. Your mind and body need it.

Don’t feel like going for a run because you’re exhausted? Go for a run anyway, it will help energize you.

Don’t feel like talking to your friends because your anxiety or stress is causing you to feel anti-social? Talk to them anyway, they will probably help make you feel better.

Don’t confuse this with working too hard and not giving yourself any breaks. This insight is about taking care of yourself and staying true to who you want to be. For me it means sticking to my routines, chipping away at my goals at a realistic pace, and staying connected to people in my life even when I don’t feel like it.

Avoid saying negative things to yourself

We all say negative things to ourselves. For some reason it’s human nature. Even when you know it’s bad for you, you might still have discouraging thoughts.

The most important time to avoid negative thinking is when you’re feeling stuck. The thoughts you have when you’re vulnerable are likely to swing you upwards or downwards. 

A common saying that helps ground me when I’m tempted to think negatively is, “as above, as below.” The way I apply this statement is simple. If my thoughts are, “I’m going to get through this,” then I will believe that and my actions will reflect it. If instead I think, “everything sucks and I feel terrible,” then I’m more likely to believe that and behave as if everything really does suck. Confirmation bias comes into play here. 

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information that confirms or supports one’s prior personal beliefs or values. (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175) 

That essentially means that if you think your life sucks, you’re going to look for evidence to support that thought. Ultimately, you’re more likely to behave and think in ways that confirm your life sucks. 

Long story short, your life probably doesn’t suck and your situation is probably temporary. Being positive isn’t a veil to cover up reality. It’s a tool to help you get through hard times by imagining the future you want for yourself, and then making that future happen. 

Hang in there

Seems simple enough, but this is really about being patient with yourself. Many of us who are ambitious hold ourselves at very high standards.

When it starts to feel like you’re not living up to those standards, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing. But your journey is not linear. There will always be roadblocks. Being stuck is one of those roadblocks that will probably happen several times in your lifetime. 

One of the first things you can do for yourself is take some time to observe how you’re feeling when you’re stuck. Where’s your head at? What are your recurring thoughts? What makes you feel slightly worse, or better?

Easier said than done, and much easier with the help of a therapist or someone who can give you unbiased feedback. It’s worth answering these questions, though, because they will help guide you the next time you’re feeling stuck.

Remember this is a part of life. Being stuck and getting unstuck can be just as impactful as the moments in our life when everything seems to be going just right.