How to show up when everything is on fire

This summer I felt really productive. I was getting up at 6AM every day, writing blog posts, taking pictures, making plans. I even managed to make a new friend in my neighborhood. It felt good. But as the doom and gloom of the world kept settling in, I was starting to feel mentally deteriorated from all the digital noise. And I didn’t know how to show up “correctly” in life and on social media. It felt necessary to take a pause and ask myself how to show up when everything is on fire.

Our lives are never going back to “normal.” “Normal” was never working anyway. If the systems that have been failing us don’t change, then we’re hurdling towards something awful. If everything already feels awful, how can things get worse?

Cue sitting in a room full of fire.

Business is not as usual

All of this is magnified by the fact that most of us are expected to go about our daily lives as if everything is normal. “Business as usual” they say at work and school. Yes, the economy has to keep going. People have to keep putting food on the table, and the wheel has to keep spinning.

But we do need to acknowledge that life is never going to be like it was. Business isn’t as usual. And things do need to change for life to get better. But that path towards change seems murky and unclear.

The emotions that come with this realization are not very comfortable. It shows up in different ways for different people. It could be anxiety, depression, fear, or a cocktail of emotions. So how do we show up when everything is on fire?

We manage our emotions in a healthy way, talk about our feelings, and make time to enjoy life.

 This is not professional advice. This is what has worked for me and many others. I encourage you to seek a therapist if you really need help or call one of these resources. 

Your free time is sacred, fill it with joy

Any time is sacred that you aren’t working, or looking for work. We don’t get our time back. Yes, we all need to work or find work to survive. But when we aren’t putting food on the table, it’s best we’re doing what brings us joy.

You could choose a hobby. For some people it goes without saying to have a hobby. But for many entrepreneurial folks and recovering perfectionists like me, having a hobby has always been about monetizing skills. 

Have a hobby for the sake of having a hobby. No goals to monetize, and no intention to turn it into a passive income. Simply find something to do for fun in your free time. 

I realized I was starting to treat this blog as a way to have passive income in the future. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I decided it’s not how I wanted to treat my free time. Our time is so precious, and I want my free time to be spent doing what brings me joy now. Writing is part of that, but it’s not the only thing. 

Other than hobbies, relaxing and doing nothing can be just as advantageous to our health. That means unplugging from digital noise, taking a day off from work related activities, resting at home or in nature, and letting your brain reset. 

Talk with someone

While it may not be culturally appropriate to have these conversations in the workplace (yet), we still need to communicate what we’re going through to someone. Therapy has recently become more widely accepted in the US, but there are still many communities where it’s stigmatized. 

You could be from a family who doesn’t understand therapy. There are also many of us who still don’t feel comfortable talking with a professional stranger. We don’t want to be judged or spend money to just “talk” to someone.  Showing up to therapy only works when we’re ready to put in the work and be vulnerable. It took me years to finally take the leap, and I’ve been much better off since. 

If therapy isn’t accessible, then we can do our best to confide in a friend or a family member. Sometimes this is hard because we don’t want to be judged. Our loved ones think we’re fun and cool and awesome. Why mess that idea up by sharing how awful and depressed we feel? The truth is, if our loved ones really love us, they won’t think any differently of us. And if they do react adversely, then it might be worth reevaluating those boundaries. 

If loved ones aren’t an option, we can confide in a stranger online. Yes, a digital stranger. There are online communities where you can meet people, like Reddit or Tumblr. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone you can’t see or hear can be freeing. Somehow the fear of judgement is almost completely diminished.

Have purpose to ground you in the days

Some people thrive in routines, and others like things to be more flexible. In either scenario, it’s good to have some purpose that grounds us in the days. Otherwise, we risk losing track of what or why we’re doing anything at all. 

For those who thrive on routines, stick to the ones you’ve developed and add joyful moments to them. My morning routine has been consistent even when I wake up late. I drink a glass of water, meditate, and have my coffee. After that I avoid looking at my texts, email, or news for at least one hour.

During that time I might journal, go for a morning walk, draw, or spend time learning a new skill. The purpose of that time is to focus on what brings me joy in that moment. 

For those who want things to be more flexible, you can still choose something to look forward to in your days or weeks. Throughout the week you could schedule a walk, a chat with a friend, or reading your favorite book. Or at the end of the week you treat yourself to a nice meal at your favorite restaurant, or a picnic at your favorite park. 

You can also apply purpose over time. What’s the one thing you want to get out of the next 30 days and how can you work towards that each day? Or the next 6 months to a year. Make it something fun and exciting that will challenge you to become who you want to be. 

Whatever it is, stick with it. Having purpose will add more meaning and structure to your days. 

Get your heart pumping every week

We all know exercise is always on a list to maintain mental health, so I’m probably preaching to the choir. But the types of exercise that works for us vary widely between people. I’m someone who thrives off of HIIT workouts. They’re short and really damn hard. They work up a sweat that leaves me feeling super energetic and accomplished. Doing 3 HIIT workouts and 3 cardio workouts a week is an essential part of my mental health. 

I use the Sweat app, which is designed for women. There are many virtual trainer apps out there depending on your fitness goals. If gyms are open in your city, consider getting a trainer IRL to help create a routine for you. 

If doing intense physical workouts isn’t your jam, there’s also yoga and Pilates. If any kind of resistance training doesn’t work, there are plenty of sports you can play with friends and teams like soccer, basketball, and volleyball. And if you’re the adventurous type there are more niche physical activities like boxing and rock climbing.

The point is there is no right or wrong way to get exercise throughout the week. There are more than enough options to choose from. Choose something that you can get excited about. As long as you’re being active for over 10-20 minutes each day, your mental health with be positively impacted.

 It’s ok to not be ok

We’re in a strange time. With so many things up in the air and still having to show up when everything is on fire, it’s so important for us to acknowledge that it’s ok to not be ok.   

We still have the power to choose how we navigate our day-to-day and maximize joy in our free time. Some days will no doubt be harder than others. Find someone to talk to when it gets hard. Keep your body moving, because it may be one of the few things that force you to feel better. And don’t give up on the things that bring you joy. 

If you’re really struggling please use these resources to talk to someone. 

You can and will get through this.